I’m going to another Beat show this weekend, and feel even more enthusiastic about it than Kramer does.

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

(Jerry is sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine. George is at the kitchen counter, picking at a bowl of cereal. Elaine is at the table reading a newspaper. Kramer bursts through the door, as usual, with his signature energy.)

KRAMER:
Guys! You are not gonna believe what I just scored tickets to!

JERRY:
(Sarcastic)
Another Monster Truck Rally?

KRAMER:
No, no, no, no! WAY better! It’s the Beat tour! BEAT, Jerry!

JERRY:
(Squinting)
What’s the Beat tour?

KRAMER:
(Super animated)
Are you kidding me, Jerry? Adrian Belew, Tony Levin, Steve Vai, and Danny Carey! They’re playing all the ’80s King Crimson stuff! I’m talking “Elephant Talk”! (Gesturing wildly) Talk, talk, it’s only talk!

JERRY:
(Suddenly excited)
Talk, talk, it’s only talk?! I love that line! (To George) It’s from “Elephant Talk”! You know, the one that sounds like… (makes a weird staccato guitar sound with his mouth)

GEORGE:
(Skeptical, chewing)
Danny Carey? Isn’t he that guy from Tool?

KRAMER:
Yeah, yeah, the drummer! He’s filling in for Bill Bruford. And Steve Vai’s doing some of the guitar work. I’m telling you, it’s gonna be electric! 

KRAMER:
(Tapping the air)
And Tony Levin’s on the Chapman Stick, man! You know what that is? It’s like a bass but cooler. Look at this! (Kramer plays an air Chapman Stick solo, tapping the invisible strings with intensity.)

JERRY:
(Watching Kramer)
That looks… difficult.

KRAMER:
Oh, it’s not just about playing—it’s about the feeling. We gotta practice, Jerry! We could do some air Chapman Stick together! Come on! (Kramer encourages Jerry to join in the air jam.)

JERRY:
(Grinning, gives in and taps at the air awkwardly)
Alright, alright, but I feel ridiculous.

GEORGE:
(Looking intrigued for a second, then changes tone)
Wait a minute… (pauses) This is perfect!

JERRY:
(Confused, still doing air Stick)
Perfect for what?

GEORGE:
(Thinking hard)
I’ve been trying to figure out how to get this girl I’m seeing Shirley to break up with me. She’s… you know, not exactly my type.

ELAINE:
(Rolling her eyes)
Can’t you just tell her you want to stop seeing her?

GEORGE:
(Looking at Elaine)
It didn’t take. I can’t get out of it! But if I take her to this Beat concert—(gestures)—she’ll hate it! No woman has ever voluntarily stayed at a King Crimson concert! (Turns to Kramer) Especially not “angular and funky” King Crimson!

ELAINE:
(Offended)
No woman has ever stayed at King Crimson? What’s that supposed to mean? Are you hearing this, Jerry?

JERRY:
(Shrugs)
Hey, I’m just here for Talk, talk, it’s only talk.

KRAMER:
(To George)
Well, you’re in luck, my friend, because I got four tickets.

GEORGE:
(Mischievous)
Four? Perfect! I’ll bring her along… get her to hate me. Easy break-up.

ELAINE:
(Shaking her head, grabs her purse)
I can’t believe you guys are all going to this! You’re all insane!

KRAMER:
(To Elaine)
Come on, Elaine! It’s gonna be a musical odyssey! Adrian Belew’s guitar is like a sonic rollercoaster!

JERRY:
(Still doing guitar noises)
Talk, talk, it’s only talk!

ELAINE:
(Shaking her head, grabs her purse)
I need new friends. (Walks out)

GEORGE:
(Smiling)
I can already picture the look on Shirley’s face. It’s gonna be beautiful.

JERRY:
(To Kramer, smiling)
So, when’s this thing happening?

KRAMER:
(Twirling his arms)
Tomorrow night, baby! The Beat tour! Buckle up, boys—it’s gonna be wild! (Kramer taps his air Chapman Stick one more time.)

(George grins as he plots his breakup. Jerry hums “Elephant Talk,” and Kramer keeps practicing his air Stick.)

FADE OUT.

OUTRO

(Kramer gets in line for the men’s bathroom after the Beat concert. The line wraps up the stairway with no end in sight. Kramer desperately looks around as the line keeps growing, getting bumped by men behind him for not paying attention. Finally he leaves the line and uncomfortably tries to run through the theatre halls, constantly getting bumped back by the sea of men heading towards the bathroom. Finally, he is out on the streets of Brooklyn, bent over in pain still looking for a bathroom.)